Oh hell no... i didnt.. i just had to drag you in. hahahahaha. its been such a long time and i feel like i should just restart, like start a new blog but then there so much wahala with starting a new one so i decided to just go with the flow..
how is it going? its been ages and i ve been busy and lazy and doing any other thing apart from banking has got to take divine intervention. Ok a quick rundown, i m still with the first place i started work with i m still Phat and fabulous.. taking one step at a time to become Pfit and Fabulous.
What can i gist u guys about now ooo. erm ok lets do it this way.
Dear diary,
i am currently on holidays and thoroughly bored. i m so used to living the life of a busy girl and i ve forgotten how to have fun. I m vacaying in the surburb town of Stevenage somewhere in Hertfordshire and all i can do is eat, sleep, go shopping and back home.. i m so chuffed with taking the bus/train without getting missing in this town, if na Naija now, i don carry cab. i did take a cab here once when i paid 55 pounds for a 30 something minute journey... i gave myself some brain my father isnt dangote or Otedola and id like to get back home not totally broke.
i m just going to go and relax again and get inspired to come back here and do a proper post.. till den... xoxo...
Tuesday, September 2, 2014
Saturday, September 7, 2013
Over a year and looking on....
Ok!
GRriinnnnng! Grrinnnng! Grrinnnng! Peeping in….
Jesu! Its been a while here, dust has gathered, spider-web, wao!!, see ds place like a grave yard! Oh well. I’m sorry. What can I say? It’s just been a long time I put up any post, I tried to revive last year but it didn’t werk so I believe I ll do better this time!
Ahem! *clearing throat* I am done with my Msc prog!!! Like play like play o! I said I was going to start it in 2011 and well, I m done. I m so grateful to God alone and all the wonderful people I work with. They ve been magnificient, what with letting me leave early on Fridays and missing Saturday work…
Well, since i ve been away for over a year like that and i m hoping to find new readres here let me just introduce myself once again, i m Jay! former Tomboy turned big girl*literally big*, plus sized ahem (leavng it small small sha)! ehen, banker by day, lover and friend by night. Chief blog stalker, i m passioate about writing, just too lazy sometimes to. i also have two darling friend which you ll be hearing about in the place from time to time. lets call em ER' and Nory.
ER's a sister, colleague and best friend and NOry's is also a sister, family friend and bestie and she works with one popular naija artist that i m not crazy about so i try to stay away from his topic ans he s the on paying ha salary.
Ok that said what has been happening o? in the last two years, i ve worked, schoooled, made friends, met new abulous people, some ccrazy, some fun, others a tad serious and some just generally unwell but i grateful for these relationships and there s also a special Mr. lets leave that gist for anoda day.
Testimony timne.... Blessing time...Since i close late from the office almost evryday and i have to go to an extreme part of the mainland, i call home for now, sometimes i m opportuned to use a speedboat ride home. From Marina, it only takes about 25-30 minutes to get to my end and so it beats the countless hours that one spends in lagos traffic... speaking of traffc my goodness, i ve left my ffice @ 530 severally and gotten home around past 9ish to ten, i mean if i were travelling to benin i would have made it safely to the rusty city. i digrees ema biinu.
So, this particular day, i made it to CMS To board the speedboat and i couldnt get a ticket so i rushed down to Victoria Island just beside Addax office where i could get several boats ready to take passengers my way, Fortunately and den eventually unfortunately i got this boat and i tot all was good n dandy becos it was already getting dark, i had never take a boat when it was dark but i decided that facing the traffic would be worse so i go it. we moved and it took just a few meters to know that the engines where not in top shape and we were even overloaded. The driver after much prodding from passengers turned back to fix us inside another boat. we got back to the jetty and once peopel started unloading we realised that they were filing into the last boat for the night and that boast already had passenengers which meant that all of us who sat at the back would not get seats on that boat.
They immedately gave us the options of using the road but told the rest of us that the engine wasnt so terruble it was just becos we were overloaded and we dould mamage it. recultantly and for fear of traffic at 7.30 pm we set sail( abi nor bi d word) with te hfaulty engined speedboat. forgive me as i eneter pidgin here, na so we begin dey blow go o , next minute we don hit open water o na im d boat begin dey sway dangerously as the waves were quite much becos of that morning's rain fall and the engine stopped
Open water, no visible land in front, no land @ the back just dark cold, smelly dirty water of the atlantic. i lookled at myself and my colleague who was with me and i said Hian! na so i go die here? i m finished. Theyu tried!! tried!!! triedd!!!!! engine nor gree, the driver and the other guyt who was supposedly his conductor sat atop the speedboadt and started making fantic calls but all we could here was ha! u ve closed, call rafiu nau, he may be able to arrage one boat for you ds night. My own don reech me!!! i reached into my bag and my fone was off! battery flat, i said to myself is this the way ill quench without any of my family members knowing????
I asked my colleague if i could use his own and he said he s battery too was out. wao! finally after 20 minutesof drifting in open water, the engine started. God must have worked overtime that day for us becos i dunno o ! it was traumatic, we set out again after another 5 minute gbosa! speedboat stopped...
story to be continued...
Gotta do some saturday office work!! i m in the office by the way! damn this office work jare..
mwaah...
Jay....
GRriinnnnng! Grrinnnng! Grrinnnng! Peeping in….
Jesu! Its been a while here, dust has gathered, spider-web, wao!!, see ds place like a grave yard! Oh well. I’m sorry. What can I say? It’s just been a long time I put up any post, I tried to revive last year but it didn’t werk so I believe I ll do better this time!
Ahem! *clearing throat* I am done with my Msc prog!!! Like play like play o! I said I was going to start it in 2011 and well, I m done. I m so grateful to God alone and all the wonderful people I work with. They ve been magnificient, what with letting me leave early on Fridays and missing Saturday work…
Well, since i ve been away for over a year like that and i m hoping to find new readres here let me just introduce myself once again, i m Jay! former Tomboy turned big girl*literally big*, plus sized ahem (leavng it small small sha)! ehen, banker by day, lover and friend by night. Chief blog stalker, i m passioate about writing, just too lazy sometimes to. i also have two darling friend which you ll be hearing about in the place from time to time. lets call em ER' and Nory.
ER's a sister, colleague and best friend and NOry's is also a sister, family friend and bestie and she works with one popular naija artist that i m not crazy about so i try to stay away from his topic ans he s the on paying ha salary.
Ok that said what has been happening o? in the last two years, i ve worked, schoooled, made friends, met new abulous people, some ccrazy, some fun, others a tad serious and some just generally unwell but i grateful for these relationships and there s also a special Mr. lets leave that gist for anoda day.
Testimony timne.... Blessing time...Since i close late from the office almost evryday and i have to go to an extreme part of the mainland, i call home for now, sometimes i m opportuned to use a speedboat ride home. From Marina, it only takes about 25-30 minutes to get to my end and so it beats the countless hours that one spends in lagos traffic... speaking of traffc my goodness, i ve left my ffice @ 530 severally and gotten home around past 9ish to ten, i mean if i were travelling to benin i would have made it safely to the rusty city. i digrees ema biinu.
So, this particular day, i made it to CMS To board the speedboat and i couldnt get a ticket so i rushed down to Victoria Island just beside Addax office where i could get several boats ready to take passengers my way, Fortunately and den eventually unfortunately i got this boat and i tot all was good n dandy becos it was already getting dark, i had never take a boat when it was dark but i decided that facing the traffic would be worse so i go it. we moved and it took just a few meters to know that the engines where not in top shape and we were even overloaded. The driver after much prodding from passengers turned back to fix us inside another boat. we got back to the jetty and once peopel started unloading we realised that they were filing into the last boat for the night and that boast already had passenengers which meant that all of us who sat at the back would not get seats on that boat.
They immedately gave us the options of using the road but told the rest of us that the engine wasnt so terruble it was just becos we were overloaded and we dould mamage it. recultantly and for fear of traffic at 7.30 pm we set sail( abi nor bi d word) with te hfaulty engined speedboat. forgive me as i eneter pidgin here, na so we begin dey blow go o , next minute we don hit open water o na im d boat begin dey sway dangerously as the waves were quite much becos of that morning's rain fall and the engine stopped
Open water, no visible land in front, no land @ the back just dark cold, smelly dirty water of the atlantic. i lookled at myself and my colleague who was with me and i said Hian! na so i go die here? i m finished. Theyu tried!! tried!!! triedd!!!!! engine nor gree, the driver and the other guyt who was supposedly his conductor sat atop the speedboadt and started making fantic calls but all we could here was ha! u ve closed, call rafiu nau, he may be able to arrage one boat for you ds night. My own don reech me!!! i reached into my bag and my fone was off! battery flat, i said to myself is this the way ill quench without any of my family members knowing????
I asked my colleague if i could use his own and he said he s battery too was out. wao! finally after 20 minutesof drifting in open water, the engine started. God must have worked overtime that day for us becos i dunno o ! it was traumatic, we set out again after another 5 minute gbosa! speedboat stopped...
story to be continued...
Gotta do some saturday office work!! i m in the office by the way! damn this office work jare..
mwaah...
Jay....
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
I haf been a disgrace
Hi people, it is with great displeasure that I type ds. I have done wrong,I have done wrong I tell you. I have been away for so long and I m sad because all my people that claimed to love me didn't even bother to check on me.
Ewo...... Such love I don't know. Kk first sha let me apologise for taking off since January it is work, nothing else. My work has a special way of draining the life out of someone but i bless God @ least I ve got one.
I have loads of gist. My goodness. I don't even know where to start but as I borrowed a friend's tablet to put up ds quickie I can't gist y'all enough. I shall try and do da with my black phone and put up a post tonight.
Till dat time sha sha.
XOXO
Jazzy.
Ewo...... Such love I don't know. Kk first sha let me apologise for taking off since January it is work, nothing else. My work has a special way of draining the life out of someone but i bless God @ least I ve got one.
I have loads of gist. My goodness. I don't even know where to start but as I borrowed a friend's tablet to put up ds quickie I can't gist y'all enough. I shall try and do da with my black phone and put up a post tonight.
Till dat time sha sha.
XOXO
Jazzy.
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Almost a year
Hi, guys
I guess no one really reads here anymore! we ll i m planning a come back.
In exactly a year of being away from blogging, i shall return.
I read through several blogs daily but i havent blogged.
Loads and lots of gist.
watch this space
XoXo
Jazzy....
I guess no one really reads here anymore! we ll i m planning a come back.
In exactly a year of being away from blogging, i shall return.
I read through several blogs daily but i havent blogged.
Loads and lots of gist.
watch this space
XoXo
Jazzy....
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Lag life.. 2010
Hey peeps....
so i ve been unfaithful in this blogging business and i truly apologize. It has been a while. First merry Christmas.. then happy nu year now...
Now once upon a time she was searching for a job and didn't have time to update her blog posts, now she does have a job but still doesn't have time.
i just want to say that am sorry for been away. it hasn't been intentional, its just the type of tins happening.. well its not news, that the economy has been pretty bad but the lord has been on my side.
Any new gist plenty, my life has been blooming and the lord knows that soon.. very soon we shall see his wonders, i ve met new people, hawt people and people that just wanna pee in your pants and go however, i am taking my time as concerns relationships and the final commitment
I ve gat loads of gist that i dont know where 2 start from.. lemme see... ehn... Both my parents are no longer in lag.. Director moved to a branch of his bank in Asaba, moms moved 2 Abj when her office moved and you d think that now i ve gat all the freedom abi. ehm! lia lia.. i still have one bro that keeps his eagle eye on me oh, if i dare come back late on a weekend fire n brimestone must fall...
Ok lemme give u ds office gist.. so i work in one unit like this where we pay salaries to several people including the police. it goes on every month and things go smoothly. Their salary schedule is brought, we post same ol. However one paticlar month like this one lady came to question the fact that what we had paid her was not what she deserved, calmly i told her that it was what was state in the list that we would follow, i went forward to show her the schedule their pay master brought before i knew anything this police officer dazed me one slap.. TAwWAya.....
Suddely i saw stars as my glasses fell off my face to the ground, i had never been so shocked, chei she went on ranting saying that what she was given was what she deserved.... see me see trouble oh. i was so pissed but as we were groomed, i calmly walked away, knowing that if i stayed there my suit wouldn't have held the fight we would have had.
After that my colleagues came around and tried to pacify me.. that was how i started crying..
Who send me bank work ehn? As if that wasn't enough another police officer came and was threatening fire, of course before he could slap anoda person, the security ushered him out.. needless 2 say i got transferred from that unit and am grateful...
well it hasn't been all evil, i ve met some hawt young men on the job and we can only hope for better things, well i guess i need to go coordinate my things for the week, match suit with shoes and all.
I ll be back, sooner than you all think till then stay blessed and have the most fantastic year..
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
The wedding, Nigerian police and my reflections
I was at a friend’s wedding this weekend in the far away town of Ado-Ekiti, it was fun, stressful and it set me thinking. It was also a sort of reunion for all my friends from University but before then let me humour u guys a little. My girlfriends, two whom are corp. members and i decided to travel to Ado together and so we did, early Friday morning we were already at the pack in Ojota before 8am and we got into a van/bus and waited and it didn’t seem we would leave soon, we then decided to throw down all them ajebutter airs and start hassling for passengers.
As soon as we started, it seems that everyone was really fascinated 3 fine gals in a park trying to market a transport service line, we virtually ended up stealing other transport line passengers, who wanted to be in the same bus with 3 interesting ladies; yes i tend to be very unhumble(anything like dat) about these things... lol. In all we manage to round up 13 humorous people of which 5 of them were old enough to be our parents but they were quite crazy enough. Our driver too was a young man and we had fun, gisting and catching up on gist until we entered Ogun state.
Suddenly we met a police roadblock that just refused to go away, they stopped the driver of our bus and asked for the essentials, license, papers n co.. He gave everything and they still wanted more. Instead of the police guys to come out straight and say they wanted money, they asked the guy for something else, i think the tint permit for the van, the driver gave a receipt saying that they had just renewed and the papers were not given yet but he had evidence of payment. One short police office didn’t agree oh! He just seized the drivers licence and everything that he would need to drive along the road without harassment. Just as we were looking on waiting for the driver as he was making calls to his head office, we saw all them police men jump into their van and kick off instructing the driver to follow them.
We even thought they wanted to move to a less busy place and then negotiate how much money they wanted when they started taking us to a bush filled area. Everyone in the bus started shouting at the driver that he was a fool for following them. One of the elderly men in the bus said that their station was way off route and another extra hours journey. Now for people who were supposed to make up the bride for her native law marriage that afternoon at 2pm, we started screaming at the driver and we told him to overtake the police van, which he did but the crossed us again, it was like the police chase in ‘Madea Goes to jail’ only that we were the ones pursuing the police van. After some time we decide to turn back and continue our journey, it seems that the police guys realised that we were not following anymore and they took one way and decided to cross us in front.
Funny, the passengers were ready for the police men, one mopol guy, opened the front passenger door and ordered the passenger there to get down, the passenger refused saying he had paid his dues and wasn’t standing up. The police guy thinking his gun brandishing self was intimidating had it coming for him, becos a s soon a s he entered the bus and ordered our driver to follow the police van, snide comments started flying the air, with the majority chanting insults and asking the guy where they were taking us to. We ordered the driver to park and we forced the police guy down. He was still talking big like he was going to deal with us, we seem to have been creating a scene when one official came and brought the drivers papers saying the oda guy should let us go that one said no oh! That one passenger talked to him rudely, see me see wahala oh, someone that is old enough to be your father is whom is rude to you, we didn’t mind that there were guns everywhere we were ready to shout and scream till we gathered support from locals when they finally released the papers.
I am sure they would still quarrel about the issue when we left, for goodness sake if they wanted money, i am sure we would have found something for him, but he was acting all lord and saviour unfortunately he didn’t get anything except wasted fuel and time. After that every oda road block we met we simply opened the windows and smiled sweetly at the officers speaking words of persuasion and love to the officers who would quickly laugh and send us on our way. We got to ado just in time and we settled down at her father’s house where the native marriage was goings to take place. After enough dancing and picking money and all she was married according to native law.
Fast forward to Saturday and she was all jittery and we were everywhere; friend so the bride making her up, decorating the car blah blah blah. Then we went to the house we were put up to dress up that was after sending the bride off to get married. With the way chics dressed and made up little wonder we got to the church just as the last set of photographs were taken, we had missed the wedding but we were happy she had gotten married.
Ms Ap got married a virgin and that got me thinking, there were still people who enjoyed the good old way of staying chaste till they say i do. We promised to stay that way but well things happen! But it made me really moody and stuff and then i promised myself that even though i couldn’t undisvirgin (today is a new day with strange words) myself, i was going to stay celibate till marriage. So this is saying have a happy and fulfilled life together and may one of the twins be my God son cos i know it’s going to drop soon with the glow i saw the morning after the wedding oh! It’s so on. Happy married life Mr& Mrs De and to all them fine Ekiti brodas well.... who knows.
As soon as we started, it seems that everyone was really fascinated 3 fine gals in a park trying to market a transport service line, we virtually ended up stealing other transport line passengers, who wanted to be in the same bus with 3 interesting ladies; yes i tend to be very unhumble(anything like dat) about these things... lol. In all we manage to round up 13 humorous people of which 5 of them were old enough to be our parents but they were quite crazy enough. Our driver too was a young man and we had fun, gisting and catching up on gist until we entered Ogun state.
Suddenly we met a police roadblock that just refused to go away, they stopped the driver of our bus and asked for the essentials, license, papers n co.. He gave everything and they still wanted more. Instead of the police guys to come out straight and say they wanted money, they asked the guy for something else, i think the tint permit for the van, the driver gave a receipt saying that they had just renewed and the papers were not given yet but he had evidence of payment. One short police office didn’t agree oh! He just seized the drivers licence and everything that he would need to drive along the road without harassment. Just as we were looking on waiting for the driver as he was making calls to his head office, we saw all them police men jump into their van and kick off instructing the driver to follow them.
We even thought they wanted to move to a less busy place and then negotiate how much money they wanted when they started taking us to a bush filled area. Everyone in the bus started shouting at the driver that he was a fool for following them. One of the elderly men in the bus said that their station was way off route and another extra hours journey. Now for people who were supposed to make up the bride for her native law marriage that afternoon at 2pm, we started screaming at the driver and we told him to overtake the police van, which he did but the crossed us again, it was like the police chase in ‘Madea Goes to jail’ only that we were the ones pursuing the police van. After some time we decide to turn back and continue our journey, it seems that the police guys realised that we were not following anymore and they took one way and decided to cross us in front.
Funny, the passengers were ready for the police men, one mopol guy, opened the front passenger door and ordered the passenger there to get down, the passenger refused saying he had paid his dues and wasn’t standing up. The police guy thinking his gun brandishing self was intimidating had it coming for him, becos a s soon a s he entered the bus and ordered our driver to follow the police van, snide comments started flying the air, with the majority chanting insults and asking the guy where they were taking us to. We ordered the driver to park and we forced the police guy down. He was still talking big like he was going to deal with us, we seem to have been creating a scene when one official came and brought the drivers papers saying the oda guy should let us go that one said no oh! That one passenger talked to him rudely, see me see wahala oh, someone that is old enough to be your father is whom is rude to you, we didn’t mind that there were guns everywhere we were ready to shout and scream till we gathered support from locals when they finally released the papers.
I am sure they would still quarrel about the issue when we left, for goodness sake if they wanted money, i am sure we would have found something for him, but he was acting all lord and saviour unfortunately he didn’t get anything except wasted fuel and time. After that every oda road block we met we simply opened the windows and smiled sweetly at the officers speaking words of persuasion and love to the officers who would quickly laugh and send us on our way. We got to ado just in time and we settled down at her father’s house where the native marriage was goings to take place. After enough dancing and picking money and all she was married according to native law.
Fast forward to Saturday and she was all jittery and we were everywhere; friend so the bride making her up, decorating the car blah blah blah. Then we went to the house we were put up to dress up that was after sending the bride off to get married. With the way chics dressed and made up little wonder we got to the church just as the last set of photographs were taken, we had missed the wedding but we were happy she had gotten married.
Ms Ap got married a virgin and that got me thinking, there were still people who enjoyed the good old way of staying chaste till they say i do. We promised to stay that way but well things happen! But it made me really moody and stuff and then i promised myself that even though i couldn’t undisvirgin (today is a new day with strange words) myself, i was going to stay celibate till marriage. So this is saying have a happy and fulfilled life together and may one of the twins be my God son cos i know it’s going to drop soon with the glow i saw the morning after the wedding oh! It’s so on. Happy married life Mr& Mrs De and to all them fine Ekiti brodas well.... who knows.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
I REMEMBER...
I remember the days when i was taken from Lagos and dumped in a secondary school in far away Osun state. It was a crème school my dad said just before he picked up my admission letter. How can a unity school be a crème school, agreed it was a pretty new school but still it was a federal school. I had heard stories of how students especially juniors were beaten in such schools and i wasn’t going to be beaten so i planned to watch my back in school. We had a good “princi” that time so flogging wasn’t allowed but as soon as they changed her we began to see pepper.
It started in ss1, the class in high school where u are allowed to braid your hair and your pinafores were exchanged for skirts. We thought we had achieved some level of freedom and audacity, little did we know that our seniors had it coming especially for the newbies that thought they were all, i was in a certain purple house called violet house, with the most evil prefects especially the house captain; Grace A. She was rumoured to have been a man in her previous life, she was Athletic, no seriously athletic, she played all sort of sports that time and she was in the school relay team and all and she was UUUgggglly... Damn! Looked like a man and she was just the one my mum handed me over to in junior 1.
Anyways, it was a hard and fast rule that all ss1 girls would get toilets as their daily morning chores. (Anyone that went to a pro unitate school should agree with me), so the day i was assigned my toilet i wasn’t surprised. We were 4 girls to handle 3 toilets and 3 bathrooms. I quickly chose my T and got a padlock to keep it closed from people who couldn’t control their bowels. One of us want quite lucky cos he toilet door was missing so we all agreed to let students use hers and then we would take turns washing it.
Every Saturday morning we had inspection, these was when princi and her cohorts would come into our space and decide if we kept it clean, any complain forthwith would attract severe punishment after inspection.
Unfortunately there was no water that period so we had to be extra miserly with water when we were washing and that led our fat /insanely obese Vice principal Admin to say “Can anyone see that smell coming from the toilet” we quickly disagreed saying we only perceived it, which got killer looks from grace A. That meant only one thing. We were in for it. So immediately they left our U-shaped hostel, the four of us were ordered to kneel down very close to each other.
Grace told us to pick a partner, i chose a short gal Bunmi, which i am grateful i did, i was beginning to get intrigued but suddenly grace told us to start knocking ourselves and that whoever didn’t knock someone would be in trouble. Just imagine four people scrambling on their knees trying to knock each other’s head and at the same time trying to avoid getting knocked. It was hilarious by considerably painful, after that experience we were extra careful to waste water even when there was none. The next term we were relieved of our toilet duties but as if that wasn’t enough encounter with grace, i had another one memorable one.
After lunch was siesta, lunch was tiny, old gal was trying to rush to the dorm before siesta so i could soak before siesta as eating wasn’t allowed at that time. Unfortunately i didn’t make it so the soaking had to wait till after siesta. As i got up rushed to take a shower, it was past 4 and time for prep,i wanted to soak s badly and some ass of a prefect was banging the dorm gate. After 6 bangs, it was lockdown, that day jazzy didn’t send her, i wanted to take my Ijebu garri so bad that i was willing to be locked inside.
I was locked with other gals but suddenly the gate swung open and madam grace was inside the hostel threatening fire and brime to whoever was still in the dorm. I was dressed, carrying my already soaked cup and was rushing out when grace saw me and held me, gave me the worst slap till date and poured the garri on my head, emptied the whole cup that is, and ordered me to leave the dorm. I have not really like garri since then and how could i forget when they finally left and we were seniors. It felt damn good.
We had this window that we called “Jumbosco”, actually any window could be called that but it had to have an opening that we could use to get in and out of dorm at odd times. There was always a chair at the entrance to allow us stepping into the dorm, and u can imagine how many jumbosco’s were sealed and many more opened. Or the time that we would cook sumptuous meals in the dorm and when we were caught, my house produced only one spoilt ring boiler, while other houses sold out with tubers of yam, various types of hot plates and of course quick cooks like noodles and rice.
Violet house was beaten and we were called cultists for cooperating amongst ourselves, just a day before our WAEC maths paper, we were detained in front of princi’s house for hours. It was fun, pure undiluted fun. Fun that doesn’t come easy these days especially with the stress of Lagos life and work... Still haven’t gotten one yet so if u need to hire a smart fine looking sista, u can reach me. All i want sometimes is to relive some of those experiences, not just the punishment part... sometimes i remember...I really do.
It started in ss1, the class in high school where u are allowed to braid your hair and your pinafores were exchanged for skirts. We thought we had achieved some level of freedom and audacity, little did we know that our seniors had it coming especially for the newbies that thought they were all, i was in a certain purple house called violet house, with the most evil prefects especially the house captain; Grace A. She was rumoured to have been a man in her previous life, she was Athletic, no seriously athletic, she played all sort of sports that time and she was in the school relay team and all and she was UUUgggglly... Damn! Looked like a man and she was just the one my mum handed me over to in junior 1.
Anyways, it was a hard and fast rule that all ss1 girls would get toilets as their daily morning chores. (Anyone that went to a pro unitate school should agree with me), so the day i was assigned my toilet i wasn’t surprised. We were 4 girls to handle 3 toilets and 3 bathrooms. I quickly chose my T and got a padlock to keep it closed from people who couldn’t control their bowels. One of us want quite lucky cos he toilet door was missing so we all agreed to let students use hers and then we would take turns washing it.
Every Saturday morning we had inspection, these was when princi and her cohorts would come into our space and decide if we kept it clean, any complain forthwith would attract severe punishment after inspection.
Unfortunately there was no water that period so we had to be extra miserly with water when we were washing and that led our fat /insanely obese Vice principal Admin to say “Can anyone see that smell coming from the toilet” we quickly disagreed saying we only perceived it, which got killer looks from grace A. That meant only one thing. We were in for it. So immediately they left our U-shaped hostel, the four of us were ordered to kneel down very close to each other.
Grace told us to pick a partner, i chose a short gal Bunmi, which i am grateful i did, i was beginning to get intrigued but suddenly grace told us to start knocking ourselves and that whoever didn’t knock someone would be in trouble. Just imagine four people scrambling on their knees trying to knock each other’s head and at the same time trying to avoid getting knocked. It was hilarious by considerably painful, after that experience we were extra careful to waste water even when there was none. The next term we were relieved of our toilet duties but as if that wasn’t enough encounter with grace, i had another one memorable one.
After lunch was siesta, lunch was tiny, old gal was trying to rush to the dorm before siesta so i could soak before siesta as eating wasn’t allowed at that time. Unfortunately i didn’t make it so the soaking had to wait till after siesta. As i got up rushed to take a shower, it was past 4 and time for prep,i wanted to soak s badly and some ass of a prefect was banging the dorm gate. After 6 bangs, it was lockdown, that day jazzy didn’t send her, i wanted to take my Ijebu garri so bad that i was willing to be locked inside.
I was locked with other gals but suddenly the gate swung open and madam grace was inside the hostel threatening fire and brime to whoever was still in the dorm. I was dressed, carrying my already soaked cup and was rushing out when grace saw me and held me, gave me the worst slap till date and poured the garri on my head, emptied the whole cup that is, and ordered me to leave the dorm. I have not really like garri since then and how could i forget when they finally left and we were seniors. It felt damn good.
We had this window that we called “Jumbosco”, actually any window could be called that but it had to have an opening that we could use to get in and out of dorm at odd times. There was always a chair at the entrance to allow us stepping into the dorm, and u can imagine how many jumbosco’s were sealed and many more opened. Or the time that we would cook sumptuous meals in the dorm and when we were caught, my house produced only one spoilt ring boiler, while other houses sold out with tubers of yam, various types of hot plates and of course quick cooks like noodles and rice.
Violet house was beaten and we were called cultists for cooperating amongst ourselves, just a day before our WAEC maths paper, we were detained in front of princi’s house for hours. It was fun, pure undiluted fun. Fun that doesn’t come easy these days especially with the stress of Lagos life and work... Still haven’t gotten one yet so if u need to hire a smart fine looking sista, u can reach me. All i want sometimes is to relive some of those experiences, not just the punishment part... sometimes i remember...I really do.
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