Thursday, November 12, 2015

S-U-I-C-I-D-E!!!

I want to write! I want to write free inhibited and unhinged! I want to do my PHD! I want to have kids, get married! I want money! I want to lose and maintain a healthy weight! I want good health and protection. I want so many things but have you met me? I ‘m a young lady, used to think I was a young girl but as my 30s is slowly creeping on me and passing by , I realize I cannot be quantified or called a young person in my church grouping anymore. In the next few months I shall move to the Young women’s fellowship of my church and yet I can’t help but feel unfulfilled and under utilised.

I like to dance but I feel so shy to do it around people, what about singing, goodness I love to bell our loud notes but what to do about or with it? Drawing nko? I do it with so much skill, still I do not know what to do with it.. I am you, shade, Adaobi, Laide, Halima. Dare I say, I am an Emeka, Yusuf, Tony, Shehu. I am a Nigerian that wants to do so many things to better myself, to better my country but I remain numb. i feel nothing but i still I carry out my activities daily, I wake, pray, go to work, spend hours in traffic returning home, eat something so I can be sustained but I feel empty.

And suddenly I wake up one day and decide that I don’t have friends, I don’t really want to continue this monotony, I must break it, I must live my life to the fullest, I wake up bright and energized but suddenly I slump back into my little space because I feel I cannot, I cannot. Weeks turn into months and finally one day I pick up all the diabetes pills my folks leave around, mix everything together and drink then i lay back watching.. I mutter a little prayer, if the Almighty will hear me and lay still till, i lay still i I pass. I pass.. because no one finds me, I am alright so no one looks for me till I am gone..

All over the world even in Nigeria recently people take their lives every day, leaving grieving family and friends, colleagues and unfinished dreams. Talk to someone today. He/she might be suffering, you might even be suffering from depression. We say Oh! Nigerians love life and never get depressed and they never think of ending it all. Everything is already so depressing ;the state of the economy, Unemployment issues,security brouhaha, everything is quite bad and we still cope but then we lose many daily to suicide. Daily we hand ourselves, or we overdose on some funny medicine.

Check on me today… Check on me so i dont become a blog post of she was, he was. Check on me .I m you!

Cheers!! i m back...

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